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What should you do after a breakup?

I’ve had a few friends who have been on break-ups of the deepest, darkest kind lately, ones that would fit right in with a film written by the late Nora Ephron. That’s what I got from seeing “The End of the Tour” two weeks ago. Onscreen, Jesse Eisenberg plays David Foster Wallace, the quirky Princeton philosopher who had his entire life planned out, including getting married in Italy and having children. But then the press tour to promote his provocative book “Infinite Jest” took its toll, leaving him feeling less than whole and facing social anxiety problems, financial difficulties and watching his marriage crumble. I got the impression that anyone has had to go through an epiphany like this, and they can all relate to what happens next – if you can hold onto that hope.

Since I’ve had a personal history of investing, one of the topics of conversation I’ve been having with friends is how to deal with money when you’re going through a break-up. For most people, we run into financial decisions – or lack thereof – in the 90 days after a break-up. While there are different things you could do, I think the main thing is making sure you have access to a financial advisor or financial adviser to address every concern.

Related Articles 6 Essential financial steps you can take after a breakup

From ‘How to lose a millionaire’ to ‘You know what happened to my boyfriend after I left him’: Dr. Seth Meyers We talked about how long it takes after the break-up to determine if you’ve made any sound financial moves or if you might need to make moves. Getting your finances in order to stop pumping money into a big purchase or to reduce your payments to creditors is one thing. Writing a will and adding your new partner to the beneficiary list are others.

The bottom line is that life rarely allows you the time to accomplish all the financial and legal things you need to before you become separated from your partner. Is there a plan to deal with money and custody issues once you’re divorced? If so, how is it being addressed? What’s the backup plan if you die without a will or an estate plan in place? It sounds awful to say, but it happens – you’ve probably made your own personal “End of the Tour.” It might help to have a financial plan in place for your family’s well-being.

—Brett Benjamin, M.S., CFP

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15 international Dating sites

(All listings updated 10/18/18, corrects homepage information to reflect Profile Sharing options are available)

Sometime in the next year, or may be next summer, I think your choices for first date web sites may be:

1. Your average dating site

2. The Matchmaker (LinkedIn, Twitter)

3. A local bar / restaurant (usually intoxicated members)

4. Local family bar (sometimes drunk & brilliant)

5. Facebook (probably a bunch of Facebook people)

6. City Government (I love the District Council of Governments at tngdc.org)

7. A local church (usually drunk / unattractive)

8. Online dating to find grandparents (OkCupid for generation Xers)

9. Craigslist (eBay for your neighbour to list and sell your stuff)

10. I don’t know (this is the most fun “death” site to check out – just sit there and wait. It has something for everyone – auctions, body building, politics, whatever)

11. The last place you met (LinkedIn for infatuated millennials)

12. Your friend’s guest list (dating in six degrees of separation)

13. Young people who moved to a new city. I have friends who met on CarePages.com.

14. About.com (do your research)

15. Canadian Dating/Crucial Ministry websites (“help Canadians find love” if you can find their official domain name)

As my end goal, my sweetheart, family, professional, neighbour and career site – clicking on each of these options will leave me with a prime list of excuses if we don’t get together one day.

Below is my list of top “international” dating sites. I chose International because these sites provide all the experience you’d get if you were dating abroad, but for free.

Amenities include Profile Sharing options, Skills, Women In Contact (links to networking groups, blog and advice columns, and several entertainment options, including worldwide events.)

Things to note

1. You’ll probably see profiles from a lot of countries and posts about a diverse array of interests, including varied movie tastes, local music acts, meals, and your accomplishments.

2. These sites won’t recognize your location or your telephone number (“call us back when we’re in your area”). You might be better off with free dating sites that are just set up as local websites – others that provide the whole international experience.

3. These sites may have different names in different countries. One of the many things I love about Facebook is the fact that it picks your profile name for you – it just matches your basic “Reasons for Dating” criteria. So there is something to be said for linking to or finding an international dating site that works with your Facebook profile.

4. You might have mixed results with international dating websites, and not be able to get their profiles. To me, you have a lot of control over who you can connect with online. I want to control this process.

“International” sites are designed to match you with people like you: South American or European, Chinese or Australian, whatever. Some include cultural description (for example, we have “light industry” in Venezuela, “supermarket” in China). Others are more personal, listing the traits you like. Either way, you’ll have a lot more control over this process, and should (I hope) get more legitimate users than you do with an American, Canadian or British dating site.

If you have any international dating site suggestions, please share your comments below.

This article originally appeared on my blog, Wedding Weekender!

 

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8 Sex-Sharing Sites To Make Dating Easier

While the Web and Facebook make finding potential partners almost an easier task, there is still a certain thrill of sexing-up getting a partner. And everyone wants to get laid.

But aside from your average dating sites that promise lots of new friends to match you up with, there are many more niche sites that offer way more than just romance. There are great sex websites for dating gay, transgender, bisexual, lesbian, different genders, men and women and many, many more. Here are some of the best:

1. MeetMe

MeetMe is a social networking site that caters to adults who live, work, play and connect outside of the traditional dating setting. During this time of year, especially during the holidays, this site is likely going to be constantly buzzing with holiday matches. Even the Sex site has nothing on MeetMe when it comes to productivity.

2. AdultFriendFinder

AdultFriendFinder has over 1.6 million dates set per month, which might sound like a lot, but it’s obviously better than spam. They specialize in attracting the sexual lifestyle of many different people. AdultFriendFinder does not advertise an age limit so they can start with you or something you aren’t sure about. Unlike MeetMe, the members are a little more obvious about their age groups.

3. Rabbit

Rabbit is a reverse extortion site that looks to attract those looking for less of a commitment and more of an open sexual act. Like all these websites, sex is encouraged. You can’t put a sex position limit on your profile, but there are options to eliminate any potential sexual activity. There’s a way to find more details about sex acts on the Rabbit site, but it might be bad form to use the information here. This website is rated 4.7 stars out of five on Facebook.

4. C.O.R.E. Networks

C.O.R.E. Networks is a sex site full of porn for those adults who enjoy it, but in the privacy of their home or office. There are certain practices and acts they discourage, but their policies don’t punish anyone for it. Sex is encouraged on the site.

5. Free Love

Free Love allows you to create an account and you can choose who you are willing to be online with. It’s designed to take the stress of defining who to date, and it gives you the chance to find someone first before you hook up. You can filter and match people based on age, special needs, religion and more. It’s up to you how easy it is to communicate.

6. KinkySwag

KinkySwag is a dating site for people in the over-35’s with a thing for latex and BDSM. In addition to that, there is a Vorn site that is geared towards both. There is quite a variety of features that separate this website from the others:

7. Green Living

You can find your matches at Green Living while supporting a cause that is very close to your heart. This website is very different than others, but probably the best way to get hot and heavy in a clean environment.

8. Yahoo Messenger Sex

Yahoo is a program that helps both sexes connect. They would call it a sex chat room, but in actuality, it’s more of a cyber-dating area. The rest of the Yahoo pages really aren’t very important. What is is that Yahoo Messenger Sex has something called a “Lifestyle Friend Filter” that automatically sorts profiles so you don’t see any people that might interest you, but have nothing of any appeal to a normal looking man or woman. While it might not be serious, it’s not considered trolling in the sex world.

As you can see, finding your own sex partner isn’t as complicated as you may think. You could take up a few of these companies and have fun.

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Stigma Can Make Dating with HIV Difficult

Dating a positive person can be incredibly difficult for any woman, but for those living with HIV, it can be especially hard. Not only do the sight of a positive person sometimes make you look lazy and unattractive, but some people are also driven to ostracize them. For some people living with HIV, stigma makes dating extremely difficult, leading to unnecessary stress and anxiety.

Why Is Dating a Positive Person Difficult?

Stigma is the number one reason why HIV is an avoidable issue. Stigma means negative people won’t date positive people, leading to negative results for all. Besides this type of banishment, HIV can also cause other consequences, including ruined relationships, lack of health insurance, and financial issues. To prevent these problems, most people living with HIV plan to get tested to make sure their immune system is still up to date.

It’s a good idea to keep yourself in check so you can avoid the health consequences of the disease. HIV is the second most common infectious disease in the U.S., next to the flu, so getting a check-up before starting a new relationship can be hugely helpful.

Another serious issue is hiding HIV status because negative people often don’t want to admit they might have it because they feel guilty. Negative people have been hurting people for thousands of years for having the disease, so positive people shouldn’t be held accountable for those negative traits too.

However, HIV doesn’t discriminate and will still affect a person’s every waking hour. It’s important to bring up HIV testing and medications with a potential partner in order to make sure you both feel comfortable with the relationship going forward. Testing positive doesn’t mean you are doomed to live out your life in isolation. To be healthy, positive people need to openly and honestly talk about their situation.

Along with testing HIV positive, you need to make sure you discuss how you can manage the disease and how they will help you with your medication. Positive people can get medications like Viread from an approved source or they can just consult with a doctor about what they need.

You can also get other medications at CVS or Walgreens as a medical necessity.

To help minimize the impact of HIV, the HIV Positive Group found a useful online resource to deal with HIV and seek support from other positive people.

HIVPoz.net is a safe dating site where HIV-positive people can be honest about their status and reach out for information. Users can chat, message, and start a video chat with other HIV positive people. Many users just want to connect with others going through the same situation, and the program is incredibly easy to use. When you find a person you like on the site, chat with them and find out about their sexuality or infection.

How to Find Other Positive Singles

When searching for a new partner, use web search engines like Google or Ask. Google Images allows users to search for images of positive or negative people from all around the world. Ask.fm allows you to make direct contacts with a potential date. SeekingArrangement allows you to track down men or women who want to pay for sex. If you want someone with strong morals and ethical standards, SeekingArrangement is an excellent place to find a partner.

If you don’t want to share your HIV status with potential partners, you can still get people to talk about the disease by attending support groups and getting tested. HIVPoz.net lets you set up a Google Alert to find other people who live in the same area as you and attend support groups and other activities. You can also sign up for a newsletter to receive information about different organizations that can support you.

Finding a good partner with HIV can be hard, but by being honest and upfront, you can make this process easier. If you are HIV positive, HIVPoz.net is an important tool to help you and your partner. Click here to sign up.

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What life would be like if we had the same life

Why should I be relieved that Kelsey’s family will be reuniting with her after all these years? I grew up in a dysfunctional home and we were allowed to have non-verbal communication. That ability was cut off as soon as we went to our new school in the eighth grade. I remember her requests for braids, and I remember when she didn’t have enough family photos. I lived a life without all of my friends, and we eventually accepted being separate. It didn’t hurt that my brother was in a coma for three years. I think a relationship is a little more demanding.

Kelsey was my best friend in seventh grade. We were the same age, both in the same soccer team, and more than just a best friend, we were sisters in the way the siblings are supposed to be. She always had my back. Like with all sisters and sisters-in-law, it can be hard when you are both so familiar.

Kelsey and I parted ways before high school because we grew apart. But we still talked every day. Even while Kelsey went off to Columbia University to study journalism and I studied social work at Maimonides. I was the one stuck in New York. And it was even harder because Kelsey was one of the most forgetful people I have ever met. We would always text each other something like “it’s 10 minutes before midnight, haven’t you called me?” and sometimes I would even forget to change the calendar on my phone. I would like to say that I was having a problem remembering, but Kelsey was beyond forgetful. She could set a timer and lock herself out of her dorm room at midnight and come back the next morning completely awake. When Kelsey came home for Thanksgiving we spent Thanksgiving night talking and then I felt like I had to leave because I had to go back to my dorm, prepare a meal, and then leave for a break.

So we turned to our devices and I, a shy person, was confident enough to begin posting pictures to Facebook. Kelsey was excited and would brag about me on her social media. I definitely put more emphasis on my new status than she did. But it wasn’t long before I had my own picture up and she had hers too. And when I posted pictures from college I would always include Kelsey in them.

It took a lot to move on from that one girl, but a few years later I started to notice that Kelsey and I were still talking a lot. We have stayed in touch ever since. And in 2010, Kelsey moved in with me, so every year we celebrate Thanksgiving together. We recently celebrated the birthday of one of my sisters, as well. Kelsey has a long history with my sisters. She’s met them and enjoyed their company. Of course I still have some drama with my sister, but she doesn’t live in the same city as me, so we don’t see each other as often. And the main drama is Kelsey. So I guess you could say we are, as she likes to say, “Two for the price of one.”

I always worry about Kelsey, always ask, “Are you okay?” I sometimes even text her to check in with her. But I know she has always been thinking about me and I know if I was in a situation like Kelsey was she would want someone to be there for her. She just knows me too well, she knows I’m always there for her. It’s nice to think I can have that relationship with someone.

Next: Identity match and information on Kelsey’s three children.

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Business Discussion – Crystal Pryor

Hey all. Hoping you enjoyed our black man blog yesterday.”

Here is a personal story from Crystal Pryor, 38, an entrepreneur and former workforce development professional living in Dayton, Ohio.

About a year ago Crystal and her husband were walking through an old development that stood just across a pond where they like to walk and splash in the summer. They were admiring the water when an unfamiliar man with a distinctive hairdo entered the pond. As Crystal and her husband made small talk, the man approached them again and was intrigued by the young couple. He asked Crystal where she was from and why her husband worked there. He said he got his haircut from a Dayton salon. Crystal and her husband seemed to accept his surprise, small talk and advice.

While Crystal was sitting down on the dock, the man asked her husband what the company he worked for did. Her husband said they made clothes, just like many other companies in Dayton, including his other company, Reaco. That’s when the man asked him where it is located. Since the business was a rival, the husband told the man he actually lived at the company’s headquarter and stopped by from time to time to talk with his friends, his wife and a little business talking.

The man said, “I don’t think I knew where your company was located.”

Crystal said her husband then asked the man why he would take some young guy to help him with the paperwork, information or licensing of a company and he said they would first need to help each other learn about the company and how to use the computer. He asked Crystal for advice on how to connect with a Human Resources employee to “help me learn about your company.”

As Crystal was explaining how to use the Internet to learn about a business, her husband’s head-shaking said, “You don’t have to explain anything to him, he has every idea.”

When Crystal asked him, “How come you haven’t told me all this already?” he said it was hard for him to share that information because he “feels bad that you don’t understand what I do.” As a man from Dayton, he said he was trying to explain the company and its product to her, and wanted to make sure she understood how to use the technology so she could learn more.

Crystal was touched by the man’s and her husband’s heart. She thought it was nice how he was trying to help them navigate the system and connect with the right person in business. Crystal did learn a little bit, as she took the owner’s advice and found a woman through LinkedIn.

Read the rest of the post here